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  1. You should reorganize your essay to place the paragraphs about the similarities one after the other.  After the paragraphs about the similarities should come the paragraph identifying and discussing the difference. This paragraph should be followed by the conclusion. To do this you should:
  • Reorganize to move the current Paragraph 5 after Paragraph 3. Both are about similarities.
  • At the beginning of Paragraph 6 you discuss indifference.  You should reorganize to place this discussion with your previous discussion of indifference in Paragraph

Doing this will make your essay clearer by communicating first the similarities and then the difference.

  1. You should add some detail and explanation to Paragraph 3.  You make a strong point that the speeches deal with facts.  You need to explain this point a bit more by providing specific examples of the facts.
  2. The first part of Paragraph 6 provides a thoughtful discussion of indifference.  You should keep this discussion but combine it with your discussion of indifference in Paragraph 2.

However, you should omit the remainder of Paragraph 6 (beginning with the sentence “Another similarity. . . “).  Although the similarities you identify are accurate ones, you should not list them, one after the other, without in-depth discussion. I recommend that you omit them.  If you keep them in your essay, you would need to give relevant specific examples of each and discuss these examples.  You would also need to revise your thesis statement to reflect these additions to your essay.

Your discussion of the similarities and difference is strong without identifying these similarities.

I recommend that you access the sections on Body Paragraphs and Comparison/Contrast Essays in the Project Resources Section for further instruction on more clearly organizing your essay.

  1. You should revise the in-text citations in Paragraphs 2 and 3.  You should not cite Wiesel’s Nobel Acceptance Speech.  Your essay should focus on “The Perils of Indifference.”  These are two different speeches, although both of them do discuss some of the same topics.  According to the Project Directions, your essay should compare “The Perils of Indifference” and “On Women’s Right to Vote.”

After you have revised the in-text citations, you should also revise your list of references to accurately identify all of the texts that you cited in our paper.  For further instruction, you should access the CFA Citation Guide in the Skill-Building Section.

  1. You should revise throughout your essay to accurately identify and capitalize the titles of the speeches – “The Perils of Indifference” “On Women’s Right to Vote.”  The titles of the speeches should be enclosed in quotation marks and should be in standard font, not in italics.
  2. You should also revise throughout your essay to consistently refer to the speakers by their full or last names.

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